Is this the most tearful season on record? Luis Suarez was in tears after Liverpool surrendered a three-goal lead in 11 crazy minutes at Crystal Pulis and had to hide his head under his shirt as Steven Gerrard shooed the cameras away.
John Terry, who has often told his side to ‘man-up’, was blubbing away after Chelsea lost in the Champions League semi-final at Atletico Madrid. It wasn’t even as if Terry will be missing the final, as I expect he’ll be buying both sets of Madrid kit at this very moment so he can celebrate with the victors. And after Chelsea drew at home to Norwich, Ashley Cole became tearful during the lap of appreciation because it might be his last home game at the Bridge.
Robert Huth, an old style defender if ever there was one, had it right when he tweeted “Still maintain that crying on the pitch should warrant a 3 match ban.” When Gazza shed his famous tears at Italia 1990 he was viewed as endearingly eccentric, yet daft as a brush. Now crying is the norm. David Beckham hastened in in all things metrosexual and cried a River Seine’s worth of tears during his last match at Paris St Germain in 2013 and this season it’s been one long sob story in the Premier League.
If I wanted emotional intelligence from footballers I’d sit in at Steve Peters’ psychiatry sessions at Liverpool. The only time I’ve been tempted to cry at football was tears of joy when Brainsford United won the Co-operative Tarpaulins Trophy, yet I restrained my emotions and simply celebrated with a bear hug on Burger Al and seven pints of overpriced lager. Real fans are used to containing their emotions, even at times of relegation, and deflecting it all with a chant of “You’re nothing special! We lose every week!”
The crying game has to stop. Alan Shearer didn’t blub, he creosoted his fence at times of high emotion. The only time a Premier League player should shed tears is when he’s kicked in the gonads by Robert Huth.