“I think I’m the bad cop and Roy is the bad bad cop,” joked Ireland gaffer Martin O’Neill on the unlikely appointment of Roy Keane as his assistant. Is it going to be Laurel and Hardy style-cops or something more like an Irish version of The Sweeney? O’Neill and Keane would certainly make worthy successors to Jack Regan and George Carter, ties undone, instant coffee by their sides, propping open their mincers with a pair of matchsticks after an all-night stake-out and muttering to a lowlife suspect, “put your trousers on son, you’re dropped!”
The choice of Keane as number two is unusual, because the assistant gaffer is normally the bloke who puts an arm round players after they’ve been bollocked by the boss. Keane is more likely to provide a metaphorical knee in the groin to anyone having a bad game.
Brian Clough had Peter Taylor as his partner because he made him laugh and could lighten the atmosphere in the dressing room, as well as having a great eye for signings. Keane wasn’t exactly known for his banter as boss at Sunderland and Ipswich.
After turning his hairdryer on the BBC, Sir Alex Ferguson employed his number twos mainly to give bland interviews on Match of the Day. Think Mike Phelan, who reminded the viewer of Mr Barrowclough on Porridge saying how well the chaps played.
Harry Redknapp hired his brother-in-law Frank Lampard as his assistant at West Ham, which must have saved a good deal on Christmas card stamps.
The other traditional function of the assistant manager is to always agree with the gaffer. The ultimate yes man was Phil Neal, assistant to England’s Graham Taylor, and now notorious for his “yes, boss” punchline and endless repeating of phrases (”We’ll have to get Wrighty on now,” says Taylor. “We’ll give Wrighty a go,” parrots Neal). Neal even mirrors Taylor’s body language and the pair’s sychronised arm crossing still makes wonderful viewing on the Do I Not Like That documentary.
Will Roy Keane meekly say, “Yes boss” every time Martin O’Neill makes a tactical point? Or will the mist of his Saipan mutiny return to ensure a conflagration. Still, at least he’s not assistant to Mick McCarthy — now that would be interesting.