“His eyes started to narrow, almost to wee black beans…” Might Sir Alex Ferguson have a future as a writer of horror novels? His description of Roy Keane laying into his teammates wouldn’t be out of place beginning a Stephen King thriller. “It was frightening to watch. And I’m from Glasgow, “ added Sir Alex.
Is there anyone in football more scary than Roy Keane? He’s still terrifying, even as a pundit. Adrian Chiles has the air of a man constantly expecting a dead leg from the former midfield enforcer as he tries to placate black-eyed Roy. And you can bet Lee Dixon rushes out to get Roy his half-time tea laden with extra sugar.
Keane is infamous for walking out on Mick McCarthy with Ireland, eyeballing Patrick Vieira in the Highbury tunnel, leaving bits of Alf Inge Haaland all over the Old Trafford pitch and as boss of Ipswich, berating a hapless journalist whose phone went off in his press conference.
Are there any modern players who could match Roy for steely menace? Luis Suarez is sneaky rather than terrifying. If Roy Keane bit a defender they’d have no arm left. One time ‘hard-man’ Robbie Savage went on Strictly Come Dancing. Flamini is too French. Joey Barton speaks French and quotes philosophy. Fellaini has silly hair. Yaya Toure looks strong and athletic without any hint of latent aggression. Lee Cattermole might have fallen out with Paolo Di Canio, but never in the explosive manner of Keane and McCarthy. Only Dickie Miller at Brainsford is keeping the flame alight and he’s just too short. Even Robert Huth is trying to play cultured football at Stoke.
We’ll surely never see anyone as terrifying as Keane again. He’s too scary to make it as a manager, but with those black eyes he might have a future in film. After all, Vinny Jones, a pussycat by comparison, managed to crack Hollywood. Jack Nicholson is retiring and Roy would be surely be a shoe-in for any remake of The Shining.