Click on each package to find out more about the characters that make up Warren United.
Warren
voiced by Darren Boyd
Warren is the overweight father of two who sits at the heart of our little story. He often regrets that he’s not the athlete he once was but actually, he never was the athlete he once was. Although he once trialled for an obscure team in the Isthmian Conference League, the closest he’s ever come to a proper place on a club team was when he was, for a short period of time, the man inside Ronnie the Rhino, mascot of the Metropolitan Police Football Club. Unfortunately the costume made him feel claustrophobic and unable to get his horn off, he ran amuck on the pitch, eventually netting himself in one of the goals where he was left while everyone waited for the tranquilizer dart to take effect.
He’s a loving husband and a good father. He knows he’s no longer the sexy beast he once felt he was, but Ingrid, his wife, has reassured him that she likes her men big. So she should be getting fonder of him all the time then.
He’s an easy-going guy
who will do anything
for an easy life.
This is also the approach he brings to his work as Customer Care Manager at Kitchen Magic, one of the nation’s leading cut-price kitchen outlets. It takes a lot to get Warren upset, which makes him an excellent choice for someone who has to deal with often quite angry members of the public.
Yes, however legitimate your complaint — he just doesn’t care.
His one great passion is The Meringues, his local football team. That’s something he will get excited about.
If any of this has given the impression that Warren’s a little slow-witted, nothing could be further from the truth. Warren’s mind works really fast — it’s just that there’s not much going through it.
Ingrid
Warren’s wife
voiced by Eleanor Lawrence
Ingrid first met Warren when he fell asleep drunk in her front garden in Eindhoven after one of the Meringue’s rare moments in Europe. She felt sorry for him and has continued to do so ever since.
She’s an intelligent woman and has a ready wit, which she usually deploys at Warren’s expense.
He never takes offence though because he rarely understands.
Harrison
Their seven-year-old son.
voiced by Morwenna Banks
He’s also a Meringues fan but disappoints Warren because there are other things in his life apart from football. He likes football but then he likes everything. In this respect he’s the polar opposite of Charlie.
Charlie
Their thirteen-year-old daughter
voiced by Morgana Robinson
Charlotte prefers to call herself Charlie. She always dresses in black and can’t understand why people look so happy. They must be stupid.
Can’t they see it’s an awful world in which we’re all stumbling blindly through pointless, meaningless lives. Her nihilism is all encompassing – right up to the point where she borrows money from you.
Mum
voiced by Georgie Glen
Warren’s Mum, that is. She lives with them but is very independent. She has an active social life and an eventful love life, (which Warren finds distasteful and unnecessary). She has extremely bad manners and doesn’t give a shit. To tell her she’s obviously getting her second wind would only invite a cheap gag from her which needn’t concern us here.
Reggie
voiced by Tony Law
Reggie is Mum’s current boyfriend. He’s a well-groomed aging lothario who knows he’s struck pay-dirt with Mum. Think the love-child of David Niven and Johnny Vegas.
Gavin
Harrison’s friend from school.
voiced by Morgana Robinson
Gavin is not gay. He’s just interested in a lot of things most boys aren’t too bothered with. Poetry, art, interior design, Barbra Streisand, Judy Garland, shoes, hair…the list is endless.
Dillip
Warren’s friend from work.
voiced by Nitin Ganatra
Dillip is an Anglo-Asian Sales Manager at Kitchen Magic and is Warren’s closest friend. When something confuses Warren, or disturbs him, it is Dillip who he turns to. As Warren is confused and disturbed much of the time, he talks to Dillip quite a lot. This is not a bad course of action because Dillip is far more sensible than Warren and has a philosophical way of looking at everything the world throws in Warren’s direction.
Luxor Twins
The owners of The Meringues.
The Luxor twins are a pair of Egyptian brothers who bought the team some years ago and now manage it with a combination of muscle, money, cunning and pig ignorance.
Burger Al
voiced by Jonathan Kydd
Burger Al runs the lard and salt concession that our characters invariably stop at on their way to or from the ground. He’s a background character who occasionally catches our eye as he picks a burger off the floor and blows it clean before placing it in a bun. He also has a stock of zinging one-liners to undercut whatever conversation he’s just overheard.
Trevor & Michael
Trevor and Michael voiced by Jonathan Kydd and Robert Portal
