Did Arsenal lose at Manchester United because Arsene Wenger chose to wear his infamous padded-coat? The last time Arsene wore the puffer jacket — which looks more like a multi-person sleeping bag – was back in March, during Arsenal’s previous away defeat against Spurs. Yet, Arsenal’s great start to the season coincided with Wenger wearing a dark suit. In the ‘Invincibles’ campaign of 2003-04, his coat stopped above the knee. So, could the lengthy puffer be to blame? Wenger dodged questions on twitter asking when he would get a “top top quality coat” by replying “haha”.
A gaffer’s coat can set the tone for his entire tenure. Jose Mourinho became famous at Porto for running down the Old Trafford touchline in a too-large black overcoat. Arriving at Chelsea in 2004 Jose’s Armani grey trench-coat marked him out as a man of continental sophistication in a Premier League, that could only offer Paul Jewell’s market-trader leather coat. Jose’s grey coat was auctioned for charity, while a later black Mac has ended up in the Chelsea museum.
Early on, Sir Alex Ferguson had an unseemly flirtation with puffer jackets, but in his latter days adopted a black Crombie worn over a black jumper zipped tightly up to his neck, giving the impression of a surly Glaswegian bouncer who would bar the referee from his nightclub if he didn’t indicate seven minutes of additional Fergie-time.
At the other end of the scale, Andre Villas-Boas was sacked at Chelsea because crouching on the touchline in a tightly belted Mac made him look too much like Frank Spencer from Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em.
By wearing a black overcoat at Chelsea, Portsmouth and West Ham, Avram Grant soon started to resemble an undertaker. While Sunderland fans must be thankful that they never saw winter arrive under Paolo Di Canio, as he might have worn the buttock-skirting green car coat he favoured at Swindon.
Which brings us back to the great Wenger coat debate. The big fear is that the more seasons Arsenal go trophy-less, the longer Wenger’s winter coat gets. Some Gunners’ fans have suggested Arsene alternates coats to confuse the opposition, veering from parka to velvet smoking jacket. But with all those Germans in the side, perhaps he needs something more Teutonic, such as the hooded Breaking Bad-style black coat Jurgen Klopp wore in the rain as Arsenal won at Borussia Dortmund.
There must be better uses for Wenger’s old puffer jacket. Why not donate it to charity? — all that material could provide emergency accommodation for every homeless person in the UK this Christmas.