Ah, there’s nothing like grumpy old men fighting in the technical area to get the fans’ pulses racing.
Newcastle’s Alan Pardew has escaped punishment after calling Manchester City’s Manuel Pellegrini a “f**king old c**t”, as you do.
Here are my personal top five gaffer bust-ups:
5. Wenger vs Pardew
Marlon Harewood scored a late winner for West Ham against Arsenal in 2006 and it all got a bit heated in the gaffer zone.
Pards, the under pressure West Ham manager, does several fist-pumps in the manner of Bruce Forsyth right in front of Wenger. Wenger loses his intellectual mask, pushes Pardew and goes for Pards in the manner of a geezer on the Holloway Road shouting “Oi! Are you eyeing up my bird?”
Wenger is held back by the Fourth Official. After the game, Pardew offers his hand but Wenger folds his arms in defiance and Pat Rice follows Wenger’s example by withdrawing his hand too.
4. Ferguson vs Mancini
With Man City on course to beat United and make a late charge to win the League in 2012, Mancini unwisely made a gesture with his hands suggesting that Ferguson talks too much after he’d complained about a De Jong foul.
The 69-year-old Fergie, black jumper zipped up to his eyeballs, clenched his fists and confronted Mancini in the manner of a Glaswegian bouncer dealing with a chancer at the back of the queue.
The pair were held apart by the Fourth Official and David Platt. Note the aggressive way Ferguson pushes his glasses up his nose at the end of the confrontation. Despite the age gap, you’d expect Fergie to win this one on points.
3. Mourinho vs Vilanova
In the 2011 final of the Spanish Supercopa, an ugly foul on Barcelona’s Fabregas resulted in Real Madrid’s Marcelo being red-carded.
A massive brawl ensues with both sets of players and officials in a melee by the dugouts. Real gaffer Jose Mourinho uses the confusion to edge round the blind side of the fight and like a sneaky schoolboy poke his Special finger into the eye of Barcelona’s assistant boss Tito Vilanova.
He walked away a picture of innocence. After the game, Jose, keen to calm the situation, declares that he does not know ‘Pito’ Vilanova. Pito is Spanish for penis.
2. Warnock vs Downes
Sheffield United’s Keith Gillespie was sent off for elbowing Stephen Hunt ten seconds after coming on in a game at Reading in 2006-07.
Angry United gaffer and professional irritant Neil Warnock made an exaggerated kicking gesture on the touchline. Is he saying his players have been kicked or that his players should get revenge?
Reading coach Wally Downes decided it’s the latter. He might have been a big man who’s out of condition, but Wally rushes over to push Warnock while he’s having an isotonic sports drink. Some 20 or so players, officials and stewards then have a splendid hold-me-back shoving match as Warnock and Downes are both sent off.
1. Pardew vs Pellegrini
Which brings us right up to date…
Pardew approaches Pellegrini with a wagging finger in the manner of a South Londoner who has just had his motor’s paintwork scratched.
The Fourth Official cowers between the two as John Carver adopts a Denis Waterman in Minder posture to back Pards up. Pardew turns away dismissively and offers a final riposte of “f••king old c••t”. Pards later explains: “In the heat of the moment we had words as we managers always have.”
The Newcastle gaffer quite correctly apologised: Manuel is not that old, being a mere 60 as opposed to Pards’ 52.